Continued from Journey to Wellness Part 1
Then, two years later my life hit rock bottom.
Stress, death, stress, death, death death, death!
Grief gallops you out and around places you’ve never seen before. One minute you’re up, next you’re slammed down by another wave of grief that blindsides you. Running, running away from the pain. Running into one obstacle after another.
And grief and loss go hand in hand. My sense of purpose had been connected with my loved ones who had left this world.
I had lost myself.
I remember at one stage I just couldn’t go on any more. I piled on the blankets and took to my bed. I had no energy and couldn’t eat. I went deep down inside myself, to heal my wounds, just like a cat. When something is wrong they sleep, their healing powers naturally help them feel well again.
It was winter and the house was freezing, condensation on the windows as I hadn’t the energy to light the range. It felt like the house was crumbling down with me inside it.
I had to find my way back to me.
I listened to one of Louise Hay’s tapes over and over from under the blankets and the main words that slowly connected with me were
“No-one else can eat your food for you”
“No-one else can drink your water for you”
“No-one else can live your life for you “
Eventually, her words gave me the strength to get up and go on, to put one step in front of the other and trust my life again. Louise Hay helped me nurture myself when I needed help. (Later when I was back on track I was very lucky to work as a Louise Hay facilitator with groups of people on their journey living with a cancer diagnosis.)
I sought help from a grief counsellor.
In the beginning, because I’d never been to a counsellor, I thought she was going to fix me. Then I realised she wasn’t and in reality, she seemed very young and didn’t have any experience of grief herself. At first I felt frustrated! But then I began to notice that as I talked to someone who could just listen, I was becoming freer of my own thoughts, thoughts that were beating me up.
I felt that I was finding a way to grieve in my own way. My confidence began to flow and I made a new start, training in both computer skills and health crisis counselling at the same time.
Bang! Just when I finished both trainings, I crashed.
Whilst on the one hand I had learned many new ways to deal with my stress, chronic illness, negative thought patterning, my anger, my fear, my pain, I’d also spent months practically ‘chained’ to a computer looking for lost pixels. Total opposites!
My mystery illness surfaced yet again.
Once again my immune system was compromised, my energy frequency dropped. I could just about keep the fire lit, eat a little, lie in the window seat and watch the clouds go by. I told myself that this too would pass. This time I really listened to my body, felt the pain and heard my voice tell me to stop pushing.
My body made me slow down because up until that point I really didn’t know how to.
This marked a real turning point for me. Slowly, slowly like the passing clouds, a new vista was born. With a new vantage point and understanding, I was able to give my body the time it needed to rest and repair and I got my life’s full energy back at last. And this time I was not going to slip back into old patterns.
I sometimes wonder how would my life have been if I’d noticed the triggers earlier?
I realise now that I had lived with constant, subconscious, frustration; had stuffed down the grief; had felt pressure to fit my ‘square’ self into the proverbial ’round’ hole; spent too much time sat on a chair, staring at a screen; spent too much time coming up with the right answers to the wrong questions.
Well that was more than 20 years ago and in that time I have learned so so much, including the incredible benefits of Biomagnetic Therapy. I discovered that Biomagnetic Therapy worked the best for me in my quest to maintain a strong immune system. I felt inspired to undertake training to become a Biomagnetic Therapist and I am honoured, that through this therapy, I have been able to help many people get their life back from Lyme disease, indeed many other health conditions, and continue to maintain their immune system.
I understand how it feels to be unwell and I am living proof that you can get well again.
Anyone currently dealing with grief may find this website to be quite helpful: https://whatsyourgrief.com/people-say-the-wrong-thing-grief/